Recently had one of those 3-4 day “bumbly-scruffle” which is a polite way of saying I was crashing down the staircase of faith hitting every doubt on the way.
In the midst of it I get 3 distinct phone calls from friends of mine all going through the same sort of dark mucky “where-the heck-is-He” or worse yet, “where-in-the-fatal-flames-am-I-?”…because if you have lost yourself, the closest person to your journey, you are really lost.
Anyway the short of it was, I was faced with a choice to complain and commiserate in pain with others who needed faith at a time when mine was AWOL…OR…I could offer them hope in spite of not knowing for sure anything I said was real or not.
There was a game we used to play as boys…”mumbley-peg” (or chicken) its where you stand across from your opponent and spread your feet apart (brave souls played barefoot, I always did) and try to stick a knife in the ground between your foes feet…if you flinched, moved your feet then you lost…
Sometimes the journey is a game of mumbley-peg with hell…it throws its darts, doubts, and dissonance at your feet to get you to run, retreat, or return to something familiar and safe…and the sharpest knife in the arsenal is the one inside your own heart regarding your own faith and who do you think you are?
That’s all I’ve got to say…stay the course, stand, confess, whatever language you need…just don’t flinch.