There once was a cow.
A very lovely cow that lived on a very green hill. Lots of grass to eat, plenty to share.
The farmer that owned the cow loved it and because he loved it he put up a small fence around a plot of vines that he did not want the cow to eat…he told the cow, “There’s plenty of green grass to eat, share and thrive, but this vine over here, don’t eat this, the cows in the wild eat it but under my protection I do not want you to eat this, its deceptive and will create problems you do not know you have”
So the cow was content and grew and had calves of her own and they grew from her milk that was pure.
One day (around 313 AD) the cow decided she needed more nutrition than the grass provided and she easily stepped over the small fence and tried the leaves from the vine…they were delicious, intoxicating and immediately she grew bigger, stronger and more powerful than she knew was possible.
Soon after eating the leaves the cow went to nurse the calves, they depended on her milk and trusted her to keep it pure…but this time when they came to nurse the pure milk was no longer pure, in fact the more milk the calves sucked, the sicker they got, until it was clear that the calves had become lactose intolerant…
Now there was no other option for the calves to grow strong except they also eat the vine leaves that the farmer had said to avoid…the problem was the mother cow was now addicted to the leaves and would only share them in very small portions that she controlled and meted out based on her own will…and since she was larger and more powerful and the fence was there she guarded the vine and her calves longed for the addictive leaves but were powerless to grow since she controlled the whole mess.
The calves that grew the strongest eventually started herds of their own, that they controlled and meted out small portions of the toxic leaves to, until there were many, many small weakly herds all eating the same poisonous vine, all lactose intolerant all wanting more nutrition and all only honoring those who honor the vine, and they all said the same thing that the farmer was the king and they were a kingdom and because no one ate the grass anymore it shriveled up and became scarce since the cow poop that should have provided nutrients back into the soil no longer did, only the vine thrived.
The vine thrived until it covered the whole farm, except for rare and rebellious spots of green grass…often the only place to get good grass was in the wild and on occasion a cow would wander off and the herd it left would say things like, “They were not part of us because they did not remain with us” and eventually the cows that left were forgotten along with the taste for pure milk.
And the herd that was meant to feed a starving world with grand milk and cheese became sick and emaciated, lactose intolerant and the world continued the cry out for its food becoming just as lactose intolerant and sick as the herd.
It was a Lactose Intolerant Cow Kingdom or LICK for short.
And that’s why people say “if you can’t lick them join them”, because at this point there is no alternate story line.
Until the cows repent and stop doing what the farmer said not to do.