An Open letter to the God of Western Christiainity


To Whom ever it concerns AKA “Sovereign Lord/God/Master”

First I wanted to say, great job on the product placement mostly in NFL games, but seems your PR team missed a HUGE opportunity to display the cheaply made JOHN 3:16 placards at the World Cup, what with America actually getting past the first round this would have been an ideal chance to get some decent product placement for free but I searched and searched and did not see even one cardboard sign with your brand verse on it…meh, maybe next year?

Speaking of product placement, I notice that your franchise (the institutional church) has really gobbled up a ton of prime real estate but you don’t seem to be making much use of it, as far as I can tell the buildings properties are only used a few hours a week and considering the prime locations this cannot possibly be intentional, for someone wanting to save the whole world your locations seem to keep very strange hours, almost elite at times. From my analysis of your organisational structure I would suggest maybe paying the volunteers and perhaps they would be motivated to keep the places open, salvation might be free but their time is not, just making an observation here, that if you really are about “loving the whole world” then keeping hours more in line with the worlds work schedule seems like a no-brainer.

Since I have brought up the subject of your business structure may I be so bold as to suggest making some changes, at least if you plan on being around for a bit…yes I get that your locations are all tax-exempt and they actually consume 80% of all the resources they collect on themselves, but this frankly is a little puzzling since we’ve already established the location hours are at a minimum and they are generally staffed in a huge part by volunteers, it raises the question of what do you do with all that money that gets collected…especially if 80% of it goes back into the organisation? At this rate I cannot see how you expect to be in business in the next 20 years considering the generations coming up have no interest in funding and resourcing the current model.

Not that I blame them…I’ve visited quite a few of these locations, and was actually involved for over 20 years in various roles (all volunteer of course, to prove my “faithfulness”) and frankly there isn’t much happening in even the best of these prime locations…not sure if you’ve noticed but most of the locations feature one or at the most a few people running everything, collecting your money and then giving an hour long motivational speech on how kind and loving you are…which kind of brings me to my main point in writing…you seem a little bipolar.

I’ve been told you are in a good mood all the time, but if i fail to pay the tithe (which is likened to rent for being here on your planet) then I will incur either disfavor or you will remove the “hedge” on my finances…this frankly sounds a bit like you would rather be the “godfather” than a real Dad…it comes across as a subtle extortion scheme…but its at least consistent with other parts of how I am told you are…

Last year at Easter I went and saw a “passion play” where a man dressed as your son Jesus was mocked and beat and bloodied and then crucified to appease your wrath…on me…which was really kind of odd because frankly when all this happened I wasn’t even born…it’s almost like you planned on me being such a sinner and then blamed me for it before i ever had a chance to react one way or another…this kinda violates some of my ideas of free-will…but that’s not my point…the main representative of your organisation got up after the play and shared a little bit about what you are supposed to be like…he told me that you would rather to go hell itself than live without me…and then went on to count down from 10 to 0 demanding I come and ask you into my heart or you would have no choice but to send me to hell…this seems…well contradictory, it’s like you are bipolar or something…one minute you love me and go to hell in my place, the next minute you abhor me and toss me into hell forever…


At any rate between the bipolar attitudes, the lack of convenient hours and the resources being consumed like Americans eat sugar I was really surprised you missed the product placement opportunity at the World Cup…and just an FYI Wimbledon is going on as well…you might want to get your PR team updated asap.

Anyway love the rest of your stuff, the planet and all, especially the people…such a shame to see so many of them going to hell…I’m sure the next time you do this you will have worked out all the bugs and won’t have to waste so many people…

-A former Volunteer…